Thursday, September 16, 2010

A Kiss Before the Apocolypse (...seriously)

   In the ripe tradition of entertainment milestones the likes of daytime TV's Hercules, Zena, Touched by an Angel, and the Perennial Highway to Heaven, Mr. Sniegoski has woven a tale to warm the hearts and minds of middle aged women all over the world.

   In all honesty, it's not that bile inducingly bad. While the level of sloppy romantic vaginosity is slightly higher than I like in relationship to the level of scrotum bursting ass kickery, the story promises enough to look past it. ...but just barely.

   Our Hero is Remy Chandler, he works as a Private Eye and sometime expert in collaboration with the local Police Department. But wait just a cock mongling minute! Could it be true that this "Remy" might be more than he seems? You're goddamn right he is! This ain't no small time private dick, this motherfucker is the angel Remiel, one of the throat punching bad ass leaders of God's Army. When Lucifer rose up all alpha as fuck to get his shit, Remiel grabbed his flaming sword, donned his archangel armor, and smacked Lucifer down like a bitch!

  Problem was, after the war, Remiel went all pussified and renounced his place at God's right hand. He moved down to earth to live as a human. It's kind of like quitting your job at Google to go work for McDonald's... Anyway, long story short, Remiel is now Remy and he lives on earth, shit threatens earth, four horsemen of the apocalypse show up, Remy puts the smack down on them and his aged wife dies a tear jerking death.

Final judgment: Don't bother unless you have some time to kill and are out of interesting things to do.
Watch for the sequel: Man, Dog, Sword

25 comments:

  1. I love the way you write these post!

    Also, why is there a dog on the book cover??

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  2. good job, your blog has a strong following

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  3. I love that movie.

    Keep up the good work!

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  4. I like the sheer anger you express in reviewing this. haha.

    will not read.

    nice review

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  5. Thank you for the kind comments on my blog :)

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  6. I am a girl, but I think I'll stay away from this one ;)

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  7. Phhheeeewww, I thought my reading list was going to get even longer =P

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  8. seems like a really narrow-minded person's book, would not read even if payed to do so..

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  9. "kind of like quitting your job at Google to go work for McDonald"

    I loled... excellent analogy.

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  10. That bad huh. Guess I'll stay away.

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  11. I would definitely want more than a kiss before the apocolypse haha

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  12. What's up with the cover? It looks like housewife porn based in the Final Fantasy 8 universe. (Because the sword, kind of looks like a gunblade, rite?) I don't know.

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  13. What is with that cover? Also no Turkish bath house today. Makes me sad.

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  14. Looks incredibly corny, but if you say it's not too bad, I might check it out for a quick read...

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  15. what's this horrendous faggotry?

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Be nice ya bastards!