The Nymphos of Rocky Flats (No, wait! Come back...)

I got nothing on this one. ...nothing.

   Do you like vampires but you're sick and tired of the flaming homosexuality and general emo attitude of every single goddamn modern vampire mythos out there today? Well, have I got the book for you!

  Our hero is Felix Gomez, (a beaner? No wai!) an Iraqi war veteran-turned-vampire. But instead of despising his vampire nature and getting all weepy like a bitch the whole time, Felix embraces the fact that he's on top of the food chain and proceeds to be a skull crunchingly badass motherfucker. Having only been a vampire for a short time, and beating the fuck out of anything that looks at him wrong, he's recognized by the Arenium, which is sort of like the vampire U.N., and is quickly recruited as a curb stomping enforcer of vampire law.

   Ultimately, cool shit happens, asses are thoroughly dryfucked by the vampire cock of justice, and all is right with the world. 

    Now, I lurk the fantasy/Sci-fi section of bookstores like newfags need to lurk image based message boards, and I had spent about three years patently avoiding this book. Walking past it, seeing it sitting there in the "A" section as I look for books by Robert Asprin, Douglas Adams, Isaac Asimov, and occasionally Piers Anthony. ...mocking me. My eye would be drawn to this book time and time again, and I would ignore it time and time again. Until one day, when I had nothing else that I felt like reading and it was on sale. I cursed myself, grabbed the book, and covered my face while I was standing in line to hide my shame.

   What I would've never guessed was how much I was going to LOVE this book, and for the most part every subsequent book in the series thus far.

   Judgment: Buy this book, shit's fun to read, yo.

"You want I...     ...zcrub ya dick?